No expectations…

No expectations, remember?  So what reaction are you expecting from your actions?  Who knew you’d be in this position in my life now.  Who knew I’d be willing to shut the door, and hard, on you now.  You have been one of my best friends for years, and now you’re not being the person you have represented yourself as.  You know, caring, compassionate, concerned about my feelings.  No, instead you’re being passive aggressive, you’re trying to goad me into being upset.  In fact, I think you’re trying to make me jealous.  Why is that?  Why? Because you see that my life is finally stable and I’m happy?  And you’ve never had that before?  That there is someone who can actually provide for me so many things you never could?  Who can be there in person, on the phone, in spirit, and I know it and I feel it… and while you always said “I wish I could…” you never could… you never did.  Of course… you can’t even provide for someone who you’ve made a life-long promise to… so how or why could you for a best friend?

I have finally found what I’ve been looking for for 10 years, something I haven’t been able to get from anyone including you.  And instead of being happy, you’re digging that hole you’ve been in even deeper than when I found you.  The thing is, I’m not even going to pity you.  I”m not going to pay any attention to you.  It’s either that or we’re not going to be friends anymore.  I’ve always known you don’t respect yourself, but really, to find out in so many different ways that you have no respect for me… well it’s hurt like hell, and it’s been eye opening.  So good luck with it.  Prey on the next unsuspecting “friend”.  I know for a fact no one else will put up with you like I have.  I’m too fucking great for you and your sorry ass.  It’s either me ignoring you and not showing you my feelings, or it’s me being hurt.  Seems pretty simple.  Wish you hadn’t have forced my hand like this.

The long and the short of it is, I just don’t care anymore.  Yay for me to recognize this and to react the way I am.

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